Want to know how to stop being bullied? I’ll tell you in a moment…
Most people experience bullying at some point in their childhood. It may be because you are different in some way, smaller, a different colour, too tall etc. Whatever the reason, most people experience being singled out by their infant peers. This doesn’t always stop when you become an adult…
Bullying often continues into adulthood – just done in a different way. People may not bounce pens at your head, or give you a skin destroying “snake bite”, but that doesn’t mean you’re not on the receiving end of bullying.
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With adults, bullying usually moves away from physical, to physiological. Violence does still occur of course, as shown in domestic violence statistics. However generally speaking, adults use a more subtle form of the same thing.
Both physical and psychological bullying are wrong and should NEVER be tolerated in your life.
A bully is a bully because they pick on people who they perceive as weaker than themselves – and this is often not true.
A victim of a bully usually only shows the weak side of themselves to a bully. They fear confrontation and don’t want to provoke more trouble. This means you act like prey to them.
In the animal kingdom
If you’re faced with a predator that can easily out run you, do you know what’s the worse thing you can do? It’s run away. The predator will see you as prey, and your running away will incite them to chase.
A predator does not want to be hurt. Nobody does. By running away you show them that you will not fight back. They know they can’t lose.
I once saw a wildlife program where an infant wildebeest was split from the pack. A lioness approached, looking forward to easy prey. However something amazing happened…
The young wildebeest actually approached the lioness for comfort. This immediately disarmed the lioness, who was a mother too. She actually comforted the young wildebeest as she no longer saw it as food.
Due to its naivety, the wildebeest did not act scared, and did not act like prey. Therefore it wasn’t treated as such. You should do the same thing with bully’s. Don’t act like prey!
Bully’s WANT you to be afraid. They know they have more control that way. Don’t show this side of yourself – don’t show fear. Instead…
Be assertive
You don’t need to be aggressive either. Being aggressive can also incite more bullying. I wouldn’t want to run up and hit a lion on the nose. This can provoke more aggression.
The key is to be assertive, rather than passive or aggressive. Look them in the eye, use their name when talking to them, and allow your body language to be open. This behaviour massively reduces your chances of getting into a confrontation.
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Sometimes you can turn a situation into playful banter. I often did this when I was a musician playing the pub and club circuits. Sometimes you would get some drunk individuals repeatedly shouting abuse. I would often turn this in friendly banter and give them a bit back, but not in an aggressive, nasty or personal way. In a way like mates would. Know what always happened?
These same people would come up after the show and tell us what a great gig it was. They felt like our friends because we acted in that way, and so they started to act like our friends too. If I’d have said nothing, or retaliated in an aggressive way, things could have been a lot different.
Final thoughts
When faced with a bully, think about passive, aggressive, and assertive behaviour. Always aim to be assertive. If it helps, think of someone you know who is assertive, and act like they would in the situation. It’s amazing how differently people treat you when being assertive.
You don’t have to put up with being controlled, either by physical or emotional bullying. Remember that you own your life, and you’re entitled to live your life on your terms.
